It’s been exactly 3 months since my last post. As I look back on where my thoughts were at that time and what I was hoping to have accomplished by now, of course I have to ask myself if anything has changed.
Answer: not really. And also yes.
I still have not weighed myself since November and based on how my clothes fit my guess is that I haven’t gained OR lost anything. There have been days I’ve thought about getting on the scale, “just to see,” and every time I’ve decided not to. At first I told myself that I no longer NEED to see where the number is because it just doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t determine my healthy weight by a number on the scale, because I will always want that number to be lower. Always. I should go by how my body feels and how my clothes fit. That’s what I tell myself.
But if I’m completely honest, it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared the number on the scale will be higher than I’m expecting and that I will hate myself even more. I’m afraid that knowing this will be so discouraging that I will give up on exercise and on trying to eat mindfully. I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to not only tell myself but to really believe that my worth is not determined by that number. So I don’t weigh myself.
Having said all that, I do think I’ve been getting the hang of eating mindfully. I’ve been focusing on eating food that isn’t overly processed or has a ton of refined sugar and I’ve noticed that when I do have something really sweet I get a headache almost immediately. This actually has me a bit worried because when I Googled this I came up with a bunch of stuff saying that this could be a symptom of diabetes. Lovely. So I made myself an appointment for a physical. I mean, the diabetes thing wasn’t the only motivating factor. The Boy has been bugging me for ages to get a physical. Have I mentioned how much I hate going to the doctor? HATE IT. But I’m going. I have two weeks until that misery. At this point, though, I’m choosing to believe that the headache is because my body isn’t used to all the sugar anymore.
At any rate, I’ve been focusing on eating mostly clean foods and things that are not empty calories. I’ve been paying close attention to protein content in order to try to find foods that will keep me feeling fuller longer, and I’ve been trying to plan my meals and snacks so that I don’t find myself in a situation where I’m starving and the only food choices available are high sugar things like doughnuts or cookies.
I’ve also been trying to have fun with my food. So I’ve been having things like this.
Fig preserve pizza. Yes, I’m aware that preserves have lots of sugar. I only had 3 pieces and I had a salad too. It’s all about balance, right?
I’ve also been having things like this.
Toast w/pb & banana slices. Yummy.
Nemo thought it looked good too.
He even said please, but I still said no. Mean Mommy.
There has also been a lot of yogurt with blueberries, homemade trail mix (sunflower seeds + pumpkin seeds + mini dark chocolate morsels), flax seed meal and Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal in my diet. The only thing about that combo is that I think the cereal part of it is making my guts hurt. I was using Kashi because it’s tasty and fairly low in calories and I like that hearty crunch to my yogurt mess. But it’s not worth a massive belly ache, so I’m ditching the cereal in favor of granola in smaller amounts. I’ve also been experimenting with protein pancakes for my post-long run breakfasts and I LOVE them. Especially with sunflower butter. So, so good.
Pre-run, pre-pancake. Loving the Instagram.
I guess my point is that I’m trying to populate my meals with extremely tasty but healthy food that makes me feel like I’m not depriving myself because I’m not. I want to look forward to my meals, but I want them to also be packed with as much nutrition as possible. That seems to be the key to not actually craving crap. That, and training my body to react to crap adversely. Hello, headaches.
My major accomplishment is that one day last week I actually went for 3 hours without thinking about food even once. That is huge. I want that to happen again.
Oh, and I also ran the Shamrock Shuffle. That was pretty damn fun.
My major fail of the last week is that I missed EVERY SINGLE WORKOUT. For some bizarre reason, I was completely lacking in energy and slept through my alarm every stinkin’ morning. Since I’ve committed to working out regularly, I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone this long without any workout at all (well, I did take The Dog for walks, but did not break a sweat). Instead of berating myself over it, though, I’m just going to get back on the horse tomorrow morning. My legs feel like they want to run, so I’m going to run.
Also, I think this guy’s moving enough for both of us this week.
My dog is weird.
Oh! I almost forgot! I spotted this in my library a couple weeks ago.
This was attached to one of our displays for Diet & Exercise books. If you aren’t familiar with Operation Beautiful, you should check it out now. This made my day!