Monthly Archives: January 2012

A New Day

Today I ate like a normal human! HOORAY!

This morning I ate a scaled down, much more reasonable version of The Most Delicious Oatmeal Ever. Still delicious, just in a smaller portion. I had half a banana and a mini Luna bar as a morning snack.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. Simple, classic, yum.

Dinner was a Smart Ones pepperoni pizza minis frozen meal. Not the greatest choice, I know, but I had to work a split shift today so it was what it was. I had some carrots and cucumbers for an evening snack. When I got home I had a piece of whole wheat cornbread left over from last night, a glass of wine, a cup of tea, and 3 Who Nu cookies (an impulse buy and they’re surprisingly tasty!). All that added up to about 1,400 calories. Since getting to the gym was a no-go this morning, I’ll have to settle for this-food related small victory.

I’ve also decided to embark on a new fitness quest. I’ll save the details for another post.

I’m so excited and a bit scared, because tomorrow I’m having breakfast with a friend I haven’t seen in for-EVER. Can’t wait! And also, what the heck do I eat?!


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What I’ve been eating, and also, PICTURES OF PUPPIES!

I have the cutest puppy ever.


The following is a brief photographic recap of what I’ve been eating (mostly) over the last few weeks.

Grilled veggie cheese bagel thin. Yum.

Parmesan cheese grilled into the outside!

Butternut squash soup on the side. I love this stuff. A small salad completes the meal.

There have been a few times when I’ve had to resort to this kind of meal too:

Thankfully, not *too* much of that.

I also made the yummiest soup ever.

I know it doesn’t look like much, but Mulligatawny is the definition of warmth and comfort on a cold winter night. This, too, was paired with a salad and also a dinner roll.

Methinks a puppy is lurking….

And for your viewing pleasure, more puppy pictures!


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Mindfully Going Insane

I think about food all the time. All. The. Time. I look forward to my next meal time. I regret what I ate at my last meal time. I think about what I’d like to eat. I think about what I dislike eating. I plan the naughty things that I will indulge in on various days and stress about the things I’ve eaten that I know will prevent me from losing weight. I am, quite literally, obsessed with food.

That is not to say that I believe that I have an eating disorder necessarily. I believe I’ve “binged” maybe once or twice in my life. I don’t starve myself (obviously). I don’t make myself throw up. I do, however, still seem to have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food.

I have friends who are able to actually forget to eat. As in, they are so absorbed in whatever they’re doing that they completely miss the fact that they haven’t consumed food in hours and hours. I have never been that way. I am incredibly envious of people who can do that. I wish I could go for even a few hours without thinking about food.

So I’m obsessed with food, AND I cannot stand to look at my body in a mirror. It’s not a good pairing. Something has to give.

My therapist suggested that I try mindful eating. Apparently this consists of eating when one is hungry and stopping when one is full. It entails being present with one’s food and thinking about what one is putting into one’s body. It does not necessarily include counting calories or points or anything of that nature. The idea is that 80% of what one consumes is “good for you,” and the other 20% is, I don’t know, I guess fun or not so good for you or whatever.

I’ve been trying to do this for the last month or so. I’ve been more successful in being present with my food over the last week or so, and coincidentally I’ve been trying extra-hard to follow a training program: run, cross-training + strength, repeat, repeat, repeat. I made it to the gym 6 times last week. I felt strong. I felt happy, mostly. I felt pleased with what my body could do and with what I had been putting in my body for fuel.

Until yesterday.

I was getting ready to go to a friend’s house for dinner and I was putting on my jeans after my shower. They were tight. Like, uncomfortably tight. Like, I was a little afraid they were going to rip, tight. And I freaked. I’m still freaking.

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to begin keeping track of my calories again. I simply cannot let myself get bigger than I am. I’m terrified of weighing myself, so I’m not going to. I did, however, take some measurements:

Bust: 41 inches

Waist: 31 inches(!)

Hips: 43 inches (what?!?!)

I’m not sure what I *want* these to look like, but I know this isn’t it. I’m going to take them again in a month and see what happens.

Also, I’ve changed the name of my blog simply because I want to put my process of self-discovery front and center. Hope you’ll bear with me.

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Snow Day

Good morning!


When I took The Dog out this morning, I was surprised to discover this winter wonderland. It’s been so warm this winter that we’ve only had one other day of snow that stuck to the ground in Chicago so far, and I have to say – if the temperature is going to drop, I want snow!

Here’s our backyard:



My intention was to get up before The Boy this morning and make it to the gym and back before he left for work, but our bed was so comfortable and cozy that I slept until his alarm went off just before 9:00 a.m. Of course, I woke up hungry, so I reasoned that breakfast was in order since I wouldn’t leave for the gym until after he left anyway. Enter rolled oats cooked with pumpkin (a la yesterday).



No mimosa today (sadness).

But The Dog was at his usual station.



I also had a cup of coffee.

Time to get up and at them!

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Today has been pretty low key. The Boy & I took The Dog for a walk this afternoon & it was COLD. The walk was not a long one.

We watched some stuff, I knitted, and I took a bunch of pictures of The Dog.


I took a bath, took a nap, then made dinner. I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew I wanted cornbread for some weird reason. So I made some.



I decided to pair it with something mildly spicy & I remembered that I had picked up some apple chicken sausage at Trader Joe’s about a week ago. I sliced up a couple of links along with a skinless boneless chicken breast. I sautéed the meat to brown it, then I added some Beaujolais & beef broth. I brought it to the boil and let it thicken.



In the meantime, I cooked some brown rice in beef stock.

I added leftover salad for me.



It was easy & super yum!

During & after dinner we watched SHERLOCK. So much fun.

I’ve got a lot on the schedule for tomorrow. Today was such a lazy day that I’ll have a ton of things to do tomorrow. Fortunately I have the day off tomorrow. Hooray for closed libraries! On the list of things to do:


Taking The Dog to PetSmart to get dogfood


Taking down Christmas decorations


Dog walking

Grocery shopping

Weekly meal planning

But first, I believe Chocohotopots are calling my name ; )

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Happy 2012!

The day started off with a workout at the gym. I’ve been feeling poorly for the last couple of weeks & haven’t been working out as much. First, I caught a bug that developed into a pretty disgusting sinus infection. I felt so miserable for about 10 days that even thinking about going to the gym made me want to take a nap. Right about the time I was finishing up with my antibiotics, I developed an especially painful ovarian cyst. As expected, the Saturday morning run was less than fantastic. I made it through, though, and felt better for having made the effort. Later on, The Boy & I took The Dog for a walk to visit J’s folks.

Last night The Boy, The Dog & I enjoyed a quiet evening at home. I made Boeuf Bourguignon  served with a salad, baguette & lovely bottle of Bordeaux. Several hours later I baked a couple of Chocohotopots. I could eat that stuff raw! We celebrated the turning of the year with a bottle of cava.

We stayed up pretty late (for me), and I got to sleep around 1:30 a.m. Still, I managed to wake up shortly after 9:00 a.m. this morning & made it to the gym for an easy 2 mile run.

When I got home, I made a special New Year’s Day breakfast.

It was special because it featured a mimosa made with the cava we couldn’t finish last night (pathetic, I know).

Otherwise it was a standard bowl of rolled oats cooked with pumpkin & topped with homemade trail mix & a luscious dollop of Justin’s Maple Almond Butter to give the oats some staying power.

I paired it with a sunny dish of Clementine slices.

Isn’t that a cute little bowl? It was a holiday gift from a friend who always manages to find unique pottery. I’ve benefitted from her keen eye & generous spirit in the past.

The Dog, waiting for his special New Year’s Day “Mommy dropped this from the table so it’s MINE” treat.

Yeah, that didn’t happen. Every morsel of food went straight into my belly.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about things we accomplished in the past year, things that went unfinished & things I’d like to work on in the coming year. Some notable milestones in 2011:

I went to the gym an average of 3x/week from the end of January until the end of December.

I started running for the first time in my life.

I finished 7 races.

We got a new water heater.

We had our chimney rebuilt.

I survived New Orleans in late June.

We got a new refrigerator.

The Boy installed a new faucet in the kitchen.

I started therapy and began the long process of finding & maintaining balance in my life.

The Boy and I went dancing at a club for the first time since we’ve been together (strange, considering how much we both enjoy dancing).

This year was packed with happy times, long walks with The Dog, as well as some sad times, some unforeseen family illness & a few loved ones lost.

So what’s coming up in 2012?

For me, this will be the Year of Mindful Eating. I’ve been on a diet pretty much my whole life. I think about food all the time. Really. Either I’m thinking about what I want to eat, or I’m thinking about what I should eat, or I’m regretting something I did eat. Now that I’ve made exercise a regular part of my life (I need to exercise now to feel centered and less stressed), it’s time to focus on my relationship with food. Of course, I’d still like to lose those 20 lbs. I meant to lose last year, but my focus is going to be on having a healthier relationship with food.

In an attempt to eat more mindfully, I’d like to do more meal planning. I find that I definitely eat healthier if I plan out what I’m going to eat for the day or week. My intention is to post what I eat here. We’ll see how well I do with that.

It is also my intention to plan my workouts for the week, which I also plan to do here. For example, this week my plan is:

Sunday (New Year’s Day!): 2 mile run (done!); walk w/The Dog & The Boy (also done!)

Monday: 20 min elliptical; strength workout (legs + arms); walk w/The Dog; BONUS – 45 min yoga

Tuesday: 2 mile run

Wednesday: 20 min elliptical; strength workout (legs + arms)

Thursday: 3 mile run; walk w/The Dog

Friday: 20 min elliptical; strength workout (legs + arms); walk w/The Dog

Saturday: Rest OR 45 min yoga

In terms of eating, my goal is to not snack between meals on the days that I work, and make healthy eating choices most of the time. My eating schedule is much more erratic on the days I don’t work, so I’m not making any promises about those days.

I have some running goals. First, I want to run the Chicago Shamrock Shuffle (8K). After that, I’m not sure.

Finally, I really really REALLY need to get more rest. I absolutely need to get more sleep on a regular basis.

I have a bunch of goals related to popular culture, specifically music, but this post is long enough now. I guess that means more tomorrow. Maybe.

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